Aviyal-bit of everything

The (flip side)Guilt factor

Posted on: May 21, 2009

These two haven’t occurred to me yet: 1) the urge to give up my work and be a stay at home mom 2) the feeling that I am not spending enough time with my kids.

 I hear from many of my peers and close friends how much they want to be at home all day, how little time they get with their kids on working days.

 Lately, it occurred to me that may be because I am not a good mother; may be they are not my highest priority; may be I got all wrong about motherhood.  I know many of you are going to say ‘what a fine mother I am’ ‘my kids are lucky to have a mom like me’.

 I have found one other working mother, my boss, who said to me recently ( to my relief?) in one of our chat ups about kids that how much she is designed to be working mom and she can’t even begin to think otherwise. May be we both are up-normal.

 I was telling my friend recently that even if we become millionaires, I want to work till my health permits. It is not just for financial reasons but for my own personal fulfillment.

Really, why does it occur or not occur to anyone? Have you experienced this flipside guilt factor? Is there a justification?

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3 Responses to "The (flip side)Guilt factor"

Shy since we last talked- two others good friends of mine said this “Thank God I am working, there’s no way I would give up work to be a full stay-at-home” This happened last weekend when I hesitantly put my case on the table about wanting to be one – their first reaction was – “Are you nuts?” My mom was listening in and she had a “See I told you so” look. Amma often tells me that if I stop working, I will go crazy….your tale and that of my friends make me want to thank my lucky stars that I am still working….My one friend said ” See motherhood is tough, it is a full-time job, when you are working it eases you a little bit meaning you can take a rest of sorts from this never ending full-time job to get rejuvenated, that way the time you do spend with your child will be high quality” She was saying there are no rewards to being a stay-at -home mom, not that moms expect a reward, but it is 7/24 hour job and she has great admiration for people who do it day in and day out, because no job could be as tough as that one…but for her to do it….and she was talking for me as well…esp. working moms who has these guilt factors – it is going to be impossible…because as working moms we are used to that breathing space…it will be very difficult to give that up…My mom, who was always a stay-at-home mom nods her head and agrees.. sorry about the long reply…

Shy, believe me, being a working mom doesn’t make you less of a mom. Not one bit.

There are days when I fantasize quitting work and having all the time at my disposal, but purely for selfish reasons – to pursue my interests and hobbies than for motherly activities. Occasionally, that does leave me feeling like I am missing maternal genes. Truth be told, I dread being a stay-at-home. It calls for a lot of patience and putting someone else before you, all the time. And that does not come naturally to me.

Parenting is more than spending time with kids. It encompasses the values you expose them to, instilling confidence and esteem in self, so on and so forth.

Don’t feel guilty for doing what you like. If at all anything, the resulting positivity in your personality will only have a positive influence on your kids.

shy,anamika here – the right time to ask me about it! I am enjoying the time off with my son1 without school. I get a lot of time when I play and make son2 laugh. I am focusing on bringing slight improvements to their life, teaching them new skills. BUT, a part of me longs for the fulfillment – that my skills are being used for some project! The interaction with peers, knocking off items from my work to-do list are all being missed. I still feel that it would be good to go back to work – life would be hectic for all at home then – but it wont be not too bad! So don’t feel guilty – you are just normal!
with you girl. That is why I don’t feel guilty about working and feel guilty about not having (even once) the urge to be a stay at home.thanks for sharing your thoughts

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